Quick Update

Yes, it’s been a long time since my last post regarding the diet, my health, my weight etc. I’ve had some problems and eating disorder stuff pop-up so I really needed to change directions for a while. I took what amounted to a 3 week interruption which was really a giant off-protocol binge, well, not so bad, I actually ate P3 for a solid week but I wasn’t weighing. I don’t know, like I said, I had to get my mind off of the whole thing. These terrible emotions that were bombarding me were things that haven’t happened since, like, well, childhood, really.

So I made and appointment with a hypnotist. Things went really well. She addressed my issues at a root level, not just a negative-association with food type of hypnotism. She addressed stuff that started in early childhood that messed me up with food for a long time. I don’t want to go into it but let’s say my parents and grandparents had a feud about what I was being fed which led to my living conditions being changed to that of complete instability that affected the whole way I viewed my body, food, the way I loved or hated myself, etc.

That being said, I was engaging in a lot of emotional eating.

Now, I’ve been on injections for 3 weeks and 3 days. I don’t know how much I’ve lost because I don’t know how much I gained in my interruption (but I guarantee you it was a huge pile of fat!) I have 3 more weeks to go. For now, I am not going to disclose my current weight but I’ll report back when I get to 120 lbs.

On a different note, I talked to a doctor recently and with the medical weight charts, determined that my healthy weight range for my frame size is about 100 to 115. When this round is over, I might be there, or maybe not which means another round and that will be fine. I still have to try to stabilize in my 8-10 weeks of P3/P4. I should say that in the last 24 days, I’ve been doing really well as far as not eating off-protocol. Also, the loose-skin problem that I was so mortified about a month or two ago seems like it is resolving itself. The skin seems to be shrinking up! I look different now that I did when I was this same weight last time (a month or two ago), I think from a different fat distribution and also skin tightening.

Because I don’t want to focus so much on the scale until P3 because it drives me into psychosis, I won’t be posting the daily weight loss chart this time unless I get really brave towards the end of the round.


Another One from the Web

How did you like God of Cake at Hyperbole and a Half? I laughed and laughed and laughed until my throat was sore. God of Cake.

Here’s another related blogpost, this time from a dieter in a similar theme. http://100lbs.typepad.com/the_next_hundred_pounds/2010/10/my-inner-child-is-a-grabby-brat.html

I can only tell you the same things over and over again so I’m just pointing at others who are telling the same story, only better than I can.

But you want to know where I am. Um. Well, how about not weighing during a planned interruption. I’ve been exercising like crazy. I went to the gym for the first time in literally 4 years or more and worked out for three hours straight. Good news is that I can still run as fast and as long as I used to. My cardio isn’t gone. My muscles have atrophied quite a bit. I used to curl 20 or 25 lb dumbbells for like 3 sets of 8 reps or until muscle failure. I have learned that if I want to have long, lean muscles and look more like a dancer instead of a dock worker, that I should use lighter weights and higher reps. Supposedly it does the job all the same. Anyway, I was doing like wimpy 6 lb dumbbells for 3 sets of 20 reps. I know weighing while still having muscle soreness will be a major let-down since the muscles will still be retaining water. I’m just going to keep eating my greasy meat, eggs, and avocados and working out.

Dog training is going well. The “Fat Man” again confirmed that Chithi is smart and said that all things remaining constant, he should be capable of learning to herd livestock within a few months. We’d like him to chase the chickens back into the coop instead of just chase the chickens. Mister “Fat Man” has sheep and trains border collies to herd sheep. He goes to “trials”, whatever that is. What’s a trial? I should just go look it up, right? I think it is a sheep herding competition for dogs. Anyway, he’s good, that’s my whole point of mentioning that.

It’s really funny, I stood back and let DH work with Fat Man exclusively since DH is the one having the most problem with the dog. DH is the one that needs the training, lol! When I’m asked to perform a task with him, he does it for me pretty much without fail on the first try. My only problem with him is that he can’t stop peeing on me. I have to stand way back when he decides to lay down because he might roll over and I risk getting sprayed in the face which happened an hour ago. We were playing fun doggy games and I asked him to lay down but he decided that was just not impressive enough so once he hit the ground, he decided to roll over, too. Mid-roll, a light spray of droplets sprinkled my face, not much just enough to piss me off and make me feel as if I’d been contaminated by icky. Anyway, here I am freshly out of the shower. The poor dog is probably wondering why I didn’t like his trick.

“They” said it was just lack of bladder control and he’d grow out of it because he was just a puppy or that it was excitement-peeing or that it is submissive-peeing. I don’t care what it is, it is just pissing me off.

Updates and Schtuff

You might have noticed that I dropped down to 122 as of Sunday which was a 1.4 lb loss, I think. That was great. Then yesterday on Monday, I got up too early and didn’t weigh and managed to miss every single dose of hHCG.

I exercised like crazy so I won’t be weighing for a few days. I’ve noticed that an exercise related gain takes 2 days to even out and this latest work out is going to take every bit of that. I did the Bar Method Fat Free 45 min workout. That woman kicked my butt. Just about literally.

Our, meaning DH and I, with our rapidly shifting point of focus is now focusing on the dog. He’s super intelligent and gets bored easy. We’ve had him to two trainers now, the first one was a clicker trainer which didn’t work out too well. He actually regressed with clicker training. The second trainer is more like what we needed. He said clicker training is for dumb dogs. No offense if it worked for you, it’s not a bad system, just doesn’t work for highly intelligent dogs because they turn around and work you making you into nothing more than a noisy treat dispenser.

He’s made leaps and bounds in less than 2 days after going to the second trainer A.K.A. “The Fat Man” as he fondly refers to himself. A lot of the problem was DH being too wimpy in setting boundaries with the dog. That is my interpretation. The dog wasn’t recognizing DH as the alpha because he could get away with bad behaviour most of the time except when DH would finally have enough then lose his temper which did nothing to establish consistent consequences. Usually and mostly always, when I would watch DH reprimand the dog, like seriously lose his temper, the dog acted as if it were a game. As soon as DH stood up, the dog would stand and be wagging his tail again. The Fat Man said that paddling his butt doesn’t hurt and some dogs like it. He said, they see it as a fun contact sport type of game. The way to deal with serious reprimands to smart dogs, especially this wild-breed dog, is growling, grabbing scruff of neck and/or collar, pressing and holding them to the ground and hover over as if you were the alpha putting pressure on a lower ranking pack member. The dog, especially at this age, needs to see you as his pack leader but they will make every attempt to outrank you. Unfortunately humans don’t recognize the signs of a doggie political coup and let it happen too often until the dog thinks he’s boss.

Let me make sure to state that he didn’t tell us to violently throw him on the ground at random which has been a technique of much controversy in the last couple decades or so. That was started by trainers who recommended doing it because that is how wolves behave and establish dominance in the wild, but dogs aren’t wolves and we humans as the alpha animals have no need to randomly show aggressive behavior unless the dog is acting out of line. Even then, the physical pressure needed to buckle the will of the dog is slight compared to the psychological effect it has on them. We watched Chithi scream and yelp as if he was being eaten alive as The Fat Man growled and hovered closely over him, firmly but without extreme force pulling his collar, pushing and holding his body to the ground. (He was absolutely not in any physical pain). From the moment he let him up, petted him and talked nice to him, Chithi knew who was the boss and was a perfect pupil for the rest of the session. All it took was a growl and a tug on the leash, and buddy, that ADHD/ADD fruitcake of a brat we’d been going round and round with was performing like an honor student. Now the big challenge is to get my DH who also acts like an ADD/ADHD fruitcake to focus long enough to establish himself as alpha.

Interesting New Stall/Gain

No, I haven’t cheated, haven’t binged, haven’t fell off the wagon. I’ve actually been a phenomenally compliant P2 “patient”. I didn’t weigh the last two days because on Thurs, I got up some ungodly hour and then went to exercise class that night knowing full well I would log a gain the next day (yesterday), thus, I did not weigh yesterday so I wouldn’t chance becoming despondent. It’s because I’m sick in the head.

Today, I weighed in at 123.4 which is .4 lbs higher than 3 days ago. That’s depressing. I’m getting ready to work so that will burn a few calories off. I wonder if I should do apple day today? It would sure be easier than having to bone an ice-cold chicken breast this early in the morning in order to pack lunch. I have a couple of bags of some really great Fuji apples so it’s a tempting thought.

Nope, Didn’t Exercise

…but I did lose another .4 lbs this morning. That makes me an even 123. If I exercise today, that means since tomorrow is milk day again, I won’t be weighing in the morning, meaning I won’t get depressed at the temporary gain…until the next day when it is still working it’s way off my body.

Back Down to Last Lowest Weight of 123.4

Still plugging away at what I have now decided to call P2. That means that I’ve been on P2 for 128 days. I dropped .4 lbs this morning, weighing around 11 AM. I weighed late to match yesterdays weigh-in time. I dreamed I was eating cookies and crepes and rice crackers last night and then realized, oops, I screwed up! When I woke up, I was really relieved.

I had detailed the ongoing adventures in seeking customer satisfaction with Patagonia over a botched repair job to an expensive and much-loved coat several posts ago. The tale has finally come to an end. I’ll just amend the original story so I don’t have part of it on here and part of it back there. Here is the link back to that post. satisfying-the-unsatisfiable-customer If you’ve already read the first portion, just skip through to the end.

I made DH a wheat-free, sugar-free, dairy-free oatmeal spice coffee cake with vanilla coconut frosting yesterday. A feat in itself considering our oven is broke…again, that I had no recipe whatsoever, and could not taste the batter or the frosting to see if it was sweet enough. I cut out a template for a cutesy little message in a piece of paper and sprinkled cinnamon through it onto the creamy colored icing. The cutting of the template was the most time-consuming part. He liked it! He gave a piece to my DF today and he liked it too!!! I’ve been feeling pretty strong lately. I just keep telling myself that “I want this, I really, really want this, I want this really bad.” Meaning, that I want the goal, the weight loss, the end result of the diet, not the temporary satisfaction of a stolen bite of some bullcrap food that is going to screw up my diet. It’s not like I didn’t want the weight loss before, I was like a blistered hiker having walked a thousand or so miles who is sore, weary, and beat down, whose body is screaming “ENOUGH ALREADY, ENOUGH!!!!” That’s where we get back into the challenge of a long round but I’ve already spouted my opinions about that in earlier posts.

I worked last Saturday which I always do, but winter usually means not as many regular customers come by as they do in nice weather. We got a short reprieve in the frigid temps which brought a bunch of our old regulars crawling out from underneath their cozy rocks to come see what they could get themselves into. The double takes! OMG, you wouldn’t believe how many double takes I got. It was so funny! It is just barely perceptible, you know, not a huge head turn and dinner-plate wide eyes or anything, it is just that small tick of the face and neck that brings their eyes back to attention and just as quickly shifts away and trying to appear as if anything unusual was unnoticed. I love it. LOL

And then there are the people who continually insist they know more about your weight and your health than you do, the ones who adamantly tell you not to lose anymore weight. When asked why not, they say “Your face will be all sunken in!”

That always gets me. Someone said that very thing to me when I was 155 lbs. They thought my face looked great then. Now at 123, people think my face looks great now and yet they still insist that if I lose anymore that my face will sink in. Why did my face NOT sink in after 155 lbs? DUH! It’s because HCG doesn’t allow your body to eat up the normal, healthy reserves of fat that is supposed to be there! (Us HCG’ers know that but try explaining that in a reasonable amount of time). I’m going to have to make up something to say that will shut people up quicker. Harumph!!! “Don’t lose anymore weight”, they say. I’m sure they are concerned for my health. I wonder if they think that being at the very upper limits of the body fat percentage category for my height is a healthy thing. On some charts I am still in the overweight for my height regarding body fat percentage. Folks, a woman at 5’0″ can be anywhere from 90 to 127 lbs (and that statistic is using an aggregate of three official height-weight charts pushing the lower and upper limits to the max of each chart) and still fall into the healthy range. No, I said healthy, meaning normal, not underweight. However, if you take frame size into account and small framed women can be at a healthy weight from 90 – 115lbs, then 123 is obviously on the too-fat side of that chart, isn’t it? Even the US Army says that the target weight for a female of my age and height is 117 (no frame size specified), except they do all that running in boots stuff and make them do push ups so I’m sure they are more muscular therefore more heavy than the typical civilian at the same height. Don’t forget Princess Leia, she was 105 when the Return of the Jedi was filmed and she is 5’1″. No one thought she was underweight or that her face was sunken in.

I’m still taking it one day at a time with no plans to continue or end the round at any certain time. We know that HCG will not let me lose more abnormal fat than what I am carrying because it won’t touch the normal fat stores so maybe I’ll just go until I can’t go anymore whether it is this round or next round or whatever. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up being 90 lbs and my face STILL WON’T BE SHRUNKEN IN!!!!!!! SO THERE! (Thanks for sticking with me, I had to let that out.) Any suggestions about what to tell people politely so they’ll keep their erroneous medical advice to themselves other than getting naked in a public place to show them the your remaining cellulite?

Amazing Drop of 2.2 Lbs

Howdy. There are days you step on the scale and then wish it were a bomb that would just blow everything up so you didn’t have to deal with it anymore and then there are days when you step on the scale and you feel like *you* are the bomb! Today I felt like The Bomb. lol

I logged a 2.2 lb loss this morning.

However. (That’s sort of like saying “Caveats”, I think.)

I slept way late. I’ve been weighing around 8 AM since starting back on P2. Today I weighed around 11:30 AM. I’ve noticed that when I weigh closer to noon without having eaten or drunk anything, that my weight is lower than my early morning’s weight. I also peed again after 8 o’oclock before I weighed, meaning I peed twice before weighing instead of once like I normally do. Therefore, if tomorrow’s loss is next to null, I shan’t be too disappointed since I just logged it all in today.

I really don’t know if I’m in phase 2 or phase 3 anymore. All my charts were set up to log phase 3 progress but midstream I threw the gearshift from “P3” into “Planned Interruption” and ripped the transmission to shreds, but somehow I’m still getting somewhere. I should probably go back and edit all the charts and put all the P3 stuff back onto the R2 P2 Progress chart as if was an interruption all along.

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